life to the full... jesus???

 Prelude: The list below came from the post here. I added a bit of my own thoughts. 

This summer I was in what we would be taught is the "real world". I worked full time as an event planner's intern. It was so much fun, but also really difficult in many ways. I absolutely loved my time in the office with Missy and Kait. All of the laughs at the weddings, the tense moments of making sure I didn't send the groom off at the wrong time, the dancing in the back, the itineraries we swam in, the decisions made on a moments notice, the sending out the caterer at the wrong time with the wrong food, the clients who didn't care a bit and just wanted to be married, the clients who cared about every single detail being exactly as planned. All of it... made such a memorable summer. Thank you, Missy for this opportunity. Thank you, Kait for doing this with me. I couldn't imagine doing this with anyone else. 

Through my time in the "real world" I learned a bunch. About people, about "success" about "happiness", about being professional, and mainly just about how the world works. I have conversed with such a wide range of people. Every person unique, every person having different experiences with life.. most of which were never once spoken about. 

Through these times, I got to see the fun. The exciting. The happy. I heard the love story. I almost saw more happiness in some of the clients in my own self which had me questioning this "life to the full" (john 10:10)  that I had heard about ever since I became a Christian in 2006.

Life to the full to me was exactly what I was seeing: laughter, friendships, fun memories. It was confusing me because I was seeing all of these things in lives that are not sold out to Him. I was seeing laughter, friendship, fun moments without Jesus even mentioned or even in the mix. I wondered do I even need Jesus for life to the full?

My friend Bobby had posted a blog post he found. The list is titled "possible ten reasons Christians tend to look jolly well for their age". After I clicked on this... the list that was posted is the answer to my questions above. Life to the full... yes is laughter, friendship, and fun moments. But it's more than that. It's life to the full no matter the season. And it's in Jesus that the "more than that" comes. 

Its this following list... its these things that cannot be produced by a perfect recipe of personalities, food, weather, and timing. These can only be produced by Him. It's when we ask and receive these from Him, that no matter the season, we know what life to the full is. 

So that in the moments of the perfect recipe of friends, food, weather... you will have life to the full. That in the moments of few friendships and little laughter... you will have life to the full. That in the moments of complete "success" and full bank account... you will have life to the full. That in the moments of waiting for the next check... you will have life to the full. 

Don't miss out on allowing your maker take his utmost care of you, during your time on this earth. Ask and receive this life to the full. Laughter, friends, and fun memories will be that much sweeter.

1. Peace – Deep peace stills all else. (john 14:27, philippians 4:6-7)
2. Deliverance- From addictions, distorted mindsets (of self, of others) (colossians 1:13)
3. Sleep – There is just something about being right with God that means you get a deep and refreshing sleep. (And often full of good, hopeful dreams!!!) (proverbs 3:21-24, psalm 4:8)
4. Restoration – The Lord promises restoration. To your cells, to your memories, to your relationships, to your self confidence. To restore is to "return something to its former place or condition". (joel 2: 24-26)
5. Healing- Clearly illness takes its toll on the countenance, and Jesus came to relieve us of physical and emotional suffering. (psalm 103:2-3, exdous 15:26)
6. Support- Belonging to a church means there is always someone to turn to for a helping hand, reducing the strain on the individual (galatians 6:2) 
7. Abundance- Good food and plenty of it, always having enough for that moment. He provides all we need, and normally more than that just because. (deuteronomy 28:1-68, 2 corthinthians 9:10, philippians 3:19) 
8. Victory -We have victory over Satan who comes to kill steal and destroy, but we have the authority and victory to prevail under the blood of Jesus. Yes, that includes FEAR. No fear when Jesus is around! (1 john 4:18, romans 8:37, romans 8:31, 2 timothy 1:7)
9. Love- Living in love ramps up the happiness factor, which in turn increase endorphins and so improves our immune system, helping to keep healthy and looking well (romans 8:30)
10. Faith = rest, God has our back. When you know He has your back, you rest no matter the situation. (jeremiah 29:11, matthew 11:28-29)

remember

tonight  i opened my journal and out fell a piece of paper folded in fours. i opened it and two pieces of paper in front of me read: "remember..." followed by 80 things i wanted myself to remember. i wrote this back in november. i wrote a list of things i never want to forget in my day to day life. i decided to blog them- to share with you. i hope these encourage you. heres the things i never want to forget:

1. the picture of your life is grander, larger, bigger than your current complication

2. you love to encourage with what has encouraged you

3. its okay to ask questions; especially if you are ignorant and want to know more

4. people are creations of god, and each one a walking story book

5. god is simple

6. god is slow

7. god is consistent

8. you were made by god, not your parents

9. speak only when necessary

10. eye contact speaks more than words could

11. everyone is longing to feel touchable; so touch is ok and necessary

12. you enjoy preparing, eating, and cleaning up meals

13. talking after meals with dishes scattered births some of the best memories

14. never give up the opportunity to clean up in the kitchen with other women

15. trials are on purpose, always

16. you love to create

17. you enjoy creation

18. you love scripture

19. giving is a sacrifice that births rich satisfaction and peace

20. a good cup of coffee does soul good

21. god hears every cry, prayer, and plead

22. god works on his timeline

23. god can, and will, say no

24. choosing people over work does wonders for the soul

25. truly listen to kids

26. get at kids level- eye contact and all

27. hug with two arms

28. sing with your heart

29. you love to sing

30. walk somewhere daily

31. jesus' name is power

32. fear is not my inheritance in christ

33. god is for me

34. sunshine is god's gift to me

35. sleep with the blinds open

36. he loves me thru my relationships; each uniquely

37. happiness is not promised, but joy is

38. always be fore others, not against

39. spirit wants to speak thru me; be aware when its me or him while giving advice

40. to be broken is beautiful, but to break hurts and is often ugly

41. never pass up an opportunity to allow someone to show you their creation (art, music, pictures, decoration) embrace the details and ask questions

42. engage as well as you can in each conversation

43. you enjoy doing dishes

44. god has his best planned for you, and it has yet to come

45. you are not your parents

46. you are only obligated to jesus christ

47. peace will be present if god is okay with your decisions

48. god is not a god of confusion

49. offer to paint others nails

50. offer to massage someone

51. speak first

52. be the first to thank

53. ask for emotions

54. ask to feel. each day

55. go to local shows as often as you can

56. dont worry about gas

57. dont worry

58. people arent thinking about you as much as you think that they are

59. hold doors

60. offer to pay

61. bible tells us how to live

62. heaven is forreal

63. there is a spiritual world that everything flows from 

64. you enjoy servanthood

65. words are power

66. offer to drive

67. twinkle lights make you so happy

68. never be satisfied, but always be content

69. to-do list are awesome

70. you dont really enjoy shopping

71. telling people your gratitude for them

72. god is big. huge.

73. we have a role to play- he will play his

74. leave notes

75. trust

76. stop complaining

77. observe colors

78. sun warms you

79. you are beautiful

80. you are a princess

dear me... a year ago.

stop worrying. stop wishing. stop thinking so hard. today isn't that big of a deal. you wont remember what you ate today, what he said on Facebook today, or the discomfort of every outfit you tried on. you will remember the heartache of loosing a best friend but you wont remember much details a year from now...two years from now, three years from now. you'll actually be able to look at him with happiness 8 months from now. stop searching for closeness with people. with friends, with family, with boys. don't look at what relationships other people have. he has that waiting for you. trust me. don't worry about going to tcc... verses james madison or christopher newport. good things are going to happen to you when you are there. growth beyond understanding is going to happen there. you're going to meet the best friends you've ever known there. laugh more and take things a lot lighter. classes aren't that big of a deal. say what you want to say... with grace and salt. he has it all figured out and will lead you where you need to go. ask for an emotional experience with god... he wants to hear your cry. he will hear it and give you the most absorbent tissue, thru that book next to your bed- thru friendships. he's going to provide. realize that your role is just to latch on and let him take lead. start observing your dad. he's going to be your best friend beginning your first semester of college. he is where you will find humanly affirmation and worth. but don't let him override your real father.

you're going to go thru a huge amount of stuff this year. don't fight it. you will grow in ways you never knew you needed to. the first two weeks Amie, you will go thru an emotional experience you have never experienced. abandonment and inadequacy will be what you feel. but its good to feel these, you need to realize how much your worth is based on others. and their approval of you. you will cry harder than you ever have cried in memory. but your lord will rescue you. that next morning he will fill you with joy and reminding you- "hey, I'm here... i know you, i am consistent and in control." you will feel peace from your lord for the first time-- because. you. have. asked. for. it. and he wants to give you what your heart needs.

you're going to have an addition to your family. a sweet baby boy. with some medical problems. thats okay. don't worry. you will have a peace thru that too. it will be a dark memory, and a day with no sleep but you will catch up. he will be a joy just to watch, to hold, to laugh with. he will also impact your family's faith in a minor way. don't underestimate how god works.

christmas time you're going to be a little dry. running on your own steam. seeing and hearing of friends experiences at colleges will be a little rough. but don't worry, once again... the lord has perfect timing. listen with joy and hear their experiences and growth! how exciting for them.

january will be a new year. a new start. you will experience god in a way you never have. you will feel like arms are wrapped around you... you will learn that in christ there is freedom. freedom amie! freedom. back to the laughter and taking things lightly... because he is in charge not us. have fun with life. dance in the street. sing with your windows down. once you realize this he's going to provide friendship like never before. remember all of those nights sophomore year you cried for a best friend? he's been preparing you and waiting till the best time for you. he's never early... but certainly never late. don't worry about sleep, about what you are going to eat, about what you are going to wear. just know that jesus is in you and that makes you free. without worry. without stress. he's in control, amie.

just remember thru those next few months leading up to now that you have found your worth in friendship before. just remember the how crucial it is to spend time with him. to ask him for help. to ask him for provision. for you to remember his provision. he's so good. be blessed and free in him.

so now, after all of that prideful searching for where you were going to go for school and who you were going to become you're headed to jmu. remember how thats been a desire since freshman year? remember how you got denied? remember how you got wait-listed? well, now he has opened the door. don't forget he goes before you. that your heart can rest. can be free in the journey. make new friends, impact a group of people, make a mark of jesus in that town. in those classrooms. this isn't on you. god carries your rocks, your weights, your worries. because 

he 

can

handle

it.

you? you just become an emotional wreck. he will restore your soul and asks you to rest in him to become made whole. 

19 candles...

monday morning i woke up... so happy and excited. i quickly had to remind my self that my birthday wasnt "today... but tomorrow" but i didnt deny the feeling great morning i was waking up to. it was my first time home in a whole week and 2 days. it was the first time i had woken up in my own house for a whole week and 2 days.

i woke up on tuesday, my actual birthday, groggy... and wanting to sleep more despite the sun peeking through my window, a few birthday texts from the early hours of the day, a voicemail, my dad whisper singing happy birthday to me an hour earlier, and my mom saying happy birthday from her bed room. why couldnt i have woken up the same as yesterday??

i silently got ready (sorry mom i wish i was more of a morning person) for my loved 8am class and headed off. thankfully i had a solid 7 minutes before class and so i decided to praynal (journal my prayers.. so write instead of speak-- god can read too) at the end of that i opened my phone to a sweet text from my close friend brook that read HAPPY BIRTHDAY BEAUTIFUL FRIEND:) i love you so stinkin much ames and i hope youre having a wonderful day so far and that you feel loved. You are loved by a God that does not disappoint and i hope that you feel cherished by Him and everyone around you today :)


i am loved by a god who does not disappoint.
WHO DOES NOT DISAPPOINT.
w h o  d o e s  n o t  d i s a p p o i n t. 

my morning was flipped around. completely. who am i to not get every ounce of my joy from this god who cherishes me? hello amie! the little things i was slightly disappointed by that morning...-the more sleep i wanted- the hotter i wanted my shower- the more time i wanted to get ready- the warmer i wanted it to be outside. if i would have (and really just would) look to him completely first i would feel the warmth and comfort of the only. thing. and i mean ONLY thing that will not disappoint in this life. (think about it- family relationships, friendships, relationships, food, expectations, technology, academics, etc)

so that reminder of what i have- what we all have- waiting for us to turn, look, and surrender to him- flipped my head completely. i felt so loved yesterday. i was crying at a majority of things people were saying to me, about me. it really was a sweet thing. my day led me to bww to have some yummy honey bbq boneless wings with my friends and line dancing at a country club. 

...thats another blog post for another time for now i hope that you might believe that it is worth it to maybe trust that 

you

are

loved

by

a

god

who

does

not

disappoint

...even when all else might. 

"awkward" and "anger"

are two states i rarely, and i mean rarely, find myself in. i see very few situations "awkward" (ie the silence at the end of a topic in a conversation doesnt, walking the same way as someone else and nearly running into each other doesnt, etc)  and i experience very little anger-- not much gets me down. today for some reason i experienced these both to an extreme.

after realizing i had signed up for an 8am class in the city that is 45 minutes away i switched into one on the right campus that had already begun two days before i signed up. meaning i had missed two days of instruction, so trying to be an on-top-of-it-student i made it to my new class ten minutes early... to an empty classroom. across from the door was a bench with a guy sitting on it who ever-so-gently asked "math 4?" with excitement that someone might actually sociable i answered yes and that led us into a quick conversation of the class, teacher, and if we needed the book, etc.

well for me i like to be as close as possible to someone when i talk. its subconscious. i dont realize that when you take a step back during our conversation i take a step toward you. i dont realize that i am 2 inches closer to you by the end of our conversation. i dont realize that i am practically laying over the table when you talk to me. so- with that said i subconsciously decide to walk from the opposite wall to possibly sit on the bench with this guy. as i get near it i realize and self talk to myself saying- "eh. that could be weird for him" so i stand, i would say sort of awkwardly by the bench, still talking. note: i am not feeling awkward yet. our conversation dies a bit... and i ask him his name and tell him mine. silence.

a girl walks up, whispers in his ear and grabs books that are sitting right next to him. girlfriend. i assume. he stands up and grabs her. yep, girlfriend. she lays her stuff down and full on hugs him, kisses, and giggles all of this occurring with an arms length distance from me. practically i could lean in and join without much effort.

uh... what do i do? i look at my phone for a few seconds and thankfully someone had went into the classroom at that point and i followed. thank you, couple for making me feel totally awkward.

anger. i had my fair dose my senior year of high school and it is a raging emotion. i hate it. it dictates your thoughts, motivations, and your heart. what happened today was only a glimpse of that kind of anger. but i was angry. and i mean angry.

my afternoon/night class had let us out 45 minutes early and i had plans to sign up for a gym membership at the reccenter after class. this was the perfect time. i turned down the road that was called the same as the reccenter. that makes sense right? welll i had found myself down a ways, further than i had remembered from last time, and did a u turn-- back up to the main road-- did another u turn... and then found myself on the opposite side's main road. without spotting the reccenter.

so i go around the entire neighborhood and then finally found the correct street. once i pulled into the parking lot. i got out my license, my military id, and my car registration (two forms of id and two proofs of residency). i go in .. to a not friendly face who says she needed the things i listed above. noticing that my car registration and my license addresses matched, but the names didnt. my car registration had my dad's name and my address (which is the same). i show her that on my military id i am still a dependent (meaning i still live with him even though i am over the age of 18). she will. not. accept. it. 

okay here is the thing. i had driven for 30 minutes to get to the stinkin reccenter. and then on top of it, i could understand if she had to scan my proofs or something to that extent. but no the form just says to check what proofs were seen.

heres to tomorrow...

emotions.

life goes fast. so fast. months, weeks, hours, days. seriously i feel like i had just gotten out of my first semester of college thinking i have all the time in the world to do my favorite things. this break will be so great and go by so slow. sleeping when i want and shopping-- you get the idea. well here i am 3 days before my spring semester begins. where did that month just go? gone! so fast. i have gifts and pictures to show... but what sticks most were the emotions. kind of like most situations. i am really in tune with my emotions. which sucks 95% of the time. here are some i recall over the last month of break.

excitement of having 5 weeks laid out in front of me of no school.

frustration after babysitting for 4 out of 7 nights of the week for the first two weeks.

thankfulness during christmas with my sweet family.

eagerness while watching reactions of my gift receivers.

embarrassment while realizing how many friends i did not make time for this break.

jesus in so many ways at passion 2011.

laughter in a eleven hour ride back from atlanta.

behind considering that i am testing into my math three days before classes begin.

creative while i made 15+ journals for friends and family.

cold with 15 inches of snow.

trapped after 4 days of 15 inches of snow.

blessed while being with brayden, jeremy, and bri.

joy when waking up to my favorite worship blasting out of my ihome.

simplicity eating my moms homemade oatmeal for breakfast.

wishful thinking of doing something like this.

prayerful for 1 peter 3:3-4 would be true of my life.

conviction of living for my own joy.

its crazy to me how many emotions we feel in a day. an hour. sometimes a minute. but it is just as crazy to me how much we push them away too. and how much we shouldnt. because it makes us who we are and how we are. and if we know our selves we will be able to serve others better. so i challenge you- pay attention to your emotions. youll soon learn to use your heart instead of your head. which will change almost every relationship. 

in this together.

without going into too much detail my mom and i had an emotional discussion tonight on needing to serve each other better. during prayer about it i was reminded that we arent here for anything other than exactly that- loving each other by serving. selflessly serving each other in our relationships.

it is so easy to be selfish. it is so easy for me to ask how can THEY serve ME? but thats not what we are to ask. its the opposite. how can I serve THEM? can you imagine if we lived in a world (and when i say world i mean our day to day life) in such a way that we each were wondering and asking how can we serve each other? that would be the nicest way to live. and in reality the way we are supposed to be living.   how incredible is that? that THAT is the way we are supposed to be living. (ephesians 5:21; philipp 2:3-4)

there were two sayings that my mom said as i grew up-- "everything. always. works. out." and "an act of kindness, no matter how small, is ever unappreciated." growing up i watched my parents do these random acts of kindness... in so many different ways. mom tutoring kids, dad eating lunch with family-less, etc. i have loved random acts of kindness (rak) and have always loved hearing stories of people making others days or days being made by these raks. my senior year of high school i founded the random acts of kindness club. this christmas my mom gave me a book of random acts of kindnesses. so after our discussion ironically i had the book out hoping to read through it.

 i also had just read through a book called sex god by rob bell (so good) and it was all about how we are all connected. that we are all one but that we live in a world of the oneness being broken. broken. and that there are few things that god has created to make that oneness in this world that doesnt have it. those things being-- marriage, sex, and relationships. it was saying that in the moments of serving each other we get a sense of what it was meant to be.
one.
together.
united.

in the introduction of the random acts of kindness book it reads- "in a sense, kindness truly is the acting out of our deep and real connection to everyone and everything around us. it is the realization that all of us are in fact-- not just in theory or theology-- in this together."

may we realize we are in this together. selflessly serving each other and seeing others better than ourselves.