dear me... a year ago.

stop worrying. stop wishing. stop thinking so hard. today isn't that big of a deal. you wont remember what you ate today, what he said on Facebook today, or the discomfort of every outfit you tried on. you will remember the heartache of loosing a best friend but you wont remember much details a year from now...two years from now, three years from now. you'll actually be able to look at him with happiness 8 months from now. stop searching for closeness with people. with friends, with family, with boys. don't look at what relationships other people have. he has that waiting for you. trust me. don't worry about going to tcc... verses james madison or christopher newport. good things are going to happen to you when you are there. growth beyond understanding is going to happen there. you're going to meet the best friends you've ever known there. laugh more and take things a lot lighter. classes aren't that big of a deal. say what you want to say... with grace and salt. he has it all figured out and will lead you where you need to go. ask for an emotional experience with god... he wants to hear your cry. he will hear it and give you the most absorbent tissue, thru that book next to your bed- thru friendships. he's going to provide. realize that your role is just to latch on and let him take lead. start observing your dad. he's going to be your best friend beginning your first semester of college. he is where you will find humanly affirmation and worth. but don't let him override your real father.

you're going to go thru a huge amount of stuff this year. don't fight it. you will grow in ways you never knew you needed to. the first two weeks Amie, you will go thru an emotional experience you have never experienced. abandonment and inadequacy will be what you feel. but its good to feel these, you need to realize how much your worth is based on others. and their approval of you. you will cry harder than you ever have cried in memory. but your lord will rescue you. that next morning he will fill you with joy and reminding you- "hey, I'm here... i know you, i am consistent and in control." you will feel peace from your lord for the first time-- because. you. have. asked. for. it. and he wants to give you what your heart needs.

you're going to have an addition to your family. a sweet baby boy. with some medical problems. thats okay. don't worry. you will have a peace thru that too. it will be a dark memory, and a day with no sleep but you will catch up. he will be a joy just to watch, to hold, to laugh with. he will also impact your family's faith in a minor way. don't underestimate how god works.

christmas time you're going to be a little dry. running on your own steam. seeing and hearing of friends experiences at colleges will be a little rough. but don't worry, once again... the lord has perfect timing. listen with joy and hear their experiences and growth! how exciting for them.

january will be a new year. a new start. you will experience god in a way you never have. you will feel like arms are wrapped around you... you will learn that in christ there is freedom. freedom amie! freedom. back to the laughter and taking things lightly... because he is in charge not us. have fun with life. dance in the street. sing with your windows down. once you realize this he's going to provide friendship like never before. remember all of those nights sophomore year you cried for a best friend? he's been preparing you and waiting till the best time for you. he's never early... but certainly never late. don't worry about sleep, about what you are going to eat, about what you are going to wear. just know that jesus is in you and that makes you free. without worry. without stress. he's in control, amie.

just remember thru those next few months leading up to now that you have found your worth in friendship before. just remember the how crucial it is to spend time with him. to ask him for help. to ask him for provision. for you to remember his provision. he's so good. be blessed and free in him.

so now, after all of that prideful searching for where you were going to go for school and who you were going to become you're headed to jmu. remember how thats been a desire since freshman year? remember how you got denied? remember how you got wait-listed? well, now he has opened the door. don't forget he goes before you. that your heart can rest. can be free in the journey. make new friends, impact a group of people, make a mark of jesus in that town. in those classrooms. this isn't on you. god carries your rocks, your weights, your worries. because 

he 

can

handle

it.

you? you just become an emotional wreck. he will restore your soul and asks you to rest in him to become made whole.